ok everybody and hello and welcome to the blog. ok today i have something interesting (my opinion) to talk about. this is going to be a short story that completly changed me and how i view things.
i was very chunk kid and i didnt have any close friends but i thought i seemed kinda well like during the school days. it's a dark and cold winter night in the early/mid 2000s. i, an outgoing happy young chap, am at a 7th grade dance at school. i knew there would be fun arcade games there is my only reason for going. at this point im having a pretty good time. games were fun. so im sitting on a side bench waiting for my turn to play a game and this girl alana comes up to me. she was popular kid who i really got along with pretty well. well alana just comes up to me looking extremely worried and says 'im only doing this cause i was dared - do you wanna dance with me' and in that moment something inside of me changed. on the outside i just shook my head and said no. she said thank you (😕) and went back to her friend, katherine, who was busting out laughing. but on the inside its like i had a balloon of confidence and she poked it with a needle. i changed completely - i stopped speaking up in class, i isolated myself, started hating my appearance and personality, and did everything i could to try and just blend in. i badly just wanted to be an npc. i didnt care if i had friends as long as nobody made fun of me(they still did - and a lot worse. story for another blog?). that wasnt just for the rest of 7th grade, that was until i graduated school, and partly, to this day. i still hate my appearance, to the point where i did not look in a mirror or take any pictures of myself for the entirety of 2016. i just hated it so much. i still do and probably always will but im not afraid to see myself anymore. so maybe its getting a little better. i still become an npc whenever i meet someone new, completely losing any personality i have. i dont know how to talk to people at all.
so there is that. i dont know why it effected me so much, but it truly did. maybe im misremembering and there was a number of things and this is just the one that i blame it on, idk. thats probably right actually. but anyways. alana and katherine - neither of you have probably thought about me in years - but you two impacted every day of my life
