alone again. its all becoming clear that it was a waste. it was never true. what good came from the lost time. what will i be able to turn to that can justify the idea that it was better than not happening at all. the fact that in the moment i was enjoying myself? but now its gone - now what? was i even happy then or was i pretending everything was ok. why was i tricked into thinking it was what i wanted when its the opposite of everything i stand for.  imagine if i never put in the effort to keep it going, how far could i be. how much more could i have done, and would i be happier. what did i miss out on. how could i have been so blind. i did everything that was asked of me and more. i gave everything and lost it all. all for nothing.