sob story

hello. thank you for stopping by. it is 45 degrees. people you may be wonder why this blog is late. today is very difficult for me and i am trying to remain calm. if you do not want to read a rant you should not read this blog. as many of you know i work with very mean woman name debbie. today she mess up her stuff, but guess who she get mad at. me. debbie is receptionist and i do not really have specific (or important) job so my desk is out there on other side of main room, unfortuantately do not have my own office like everyone else besides me and debbie. i could tell the rage was building up inside her all day. she would make comments under her breath, grunt when phone ring, and loudly sigh. i wanted to get a way very early on but knew that i could not until finish what am doing. finally think i can go sneak off somewhere else but she ask me to do something on her computer, so i have to do because i do whatever they tell me. so i finish and i know i did good job and did quickly. tell her i finished and go back to desk. she ask me question about how to do one last thing and i am back at my desk and nobody in office so i tell how to do it from there thinking she would not need my to actually do it for her since it very simple, but she did not follow instructions that i say very clearly and she somehow someway mess the whole thing up.  now people, i know that i tell her right thing because have done it for other people before. but she yell at me saying i told her wrong and is my fault that she (read: me) have to start all over. people i told her that if she listen to me it would have work. but she keep saying she did exactly what i say which i know not true. so she yell at me very bad today people. i do not like to be yelled at or say mean thing to me. i know is not good trait but can not help it i have hard time letting it go. she say i do not do anything right. she yell at me saying she wish i never hired (i am new-ish). she say be better off with out me and my paycheck better off being split between the others. i am very shy person and do not like to fight so i just sat there and take it with sadness building up. i am looking at ground because all ways heard do not look medusa in eyes, but she yell at me more for not looking at her. she make me re do everything during my lunch break, and people i am not kidding when i say she took my break for me. i do not think she is suppose to do this but she did it any way. so she gone for two full hours taking both hers and mine and people it was the best two hours of work i have done in that office yet. relaxing. serenity. once get to the last part i get nervous that maybe i did tell her wrong thing and that is why it mess up, so i'm clinching my cheeks as i do what i told her hoping it work... and it did perfect. i only wish that i would have filmed myself doing it so could show her. did not think of that until after.

so i leave work a little bit early today (before debbie get back) and other people there are ok with it because i tell them i did not get break and they very good people it just debbie is bad egg. i think i need to look for new job, but i just took this one so i do not know. i have been quitter all my life do i want to stay one, and would next job be any better? i just wish never left cashier job, but like i said am shy so i did not love having to talk to so many people. but i do wish i never left it. this is song i listen to when need to calm down. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wbt59pmT26E i know people make fun of them and i know maybe is cringey but i do not care.what about you. do you listen to anything to calm down? also people what do you think about their new song 'heavy'. really... i think it is ok but not one i see my self listening to that much. i perfer songs like one i linked, maybe i will make blog about my favorite songs of theirs because my list different than others who like them.

i am sorry for telling you all such things in blog but it is only thing i can think about so just wanted to write it down to 'get it out of my system' i think that is saying. if you actually read the whole thing then you are too good to me and i do not deserve you. thank you people. stay safe.